hiatus

next week will be the one month hiatus mark celebrating the year anniversary of the blog.

I dont even know if I'm coming back to blogging or not.  I mean, 8 posts/day, 3 pages to manage, and about 4800 unanswered asks... some serious time and dedication would be needed to keep this boat afloat.

But I still feel an obligation to return to the community that I started.  Maybe a few stats will help:

(as of 3/13/15)
total tumblr followers:  29,930
snapchat community members:  197
kik community members:  683
number of kik groups:  18
total number of mods/admins:  23

The numbers arent as big as I thought actually.  But I still feel guilty for having turned my back on them.  And lets not forget the relationships that have been formed bc of it, the meeting of these great minds, the exchange of ideas, the help being offered, or simply a place that people use to escape:  it's something that hasn't been created on tumblr before and something that I can't just up and leave.

My vedic states that age 32-33 is when I figure out my purpose in life.  Surprisingly, that's when this blog was created.

It's sole purpose was to share information about mbti that was lacking in the tumblr community, as well as online, and to mirror a style similar to some of the bigger astrology blogs.  It was easy really.  I saw a gap in information, and I filled it.

It eventually drew a crowd of people who were not only looking to learn more about mbti, but more about themselves, their family members, the people they interact on a day to day basis to find deeper understanding behind the purpose of their actions, their behavior, their lives.

So it makes sense that it turned into a community of people who sought advice, and wanted to help others in return.

When the snapchat community formed during thanksgiving break, I wasn't expecting so many people to respond to it.  I mean, thats a very specific group of people who are willing to share their lives with complete strangers who's only mutual interests are mbti and tumblr.  But 200 requests later, and I still continue to watch the lives of people around the world, as narrated through their phone.

The kik community is what made the interaction real though.  It gave us a platform, though limited to 50 per group, to communicate real time with one another.  It's no surprise why it became so popular and why I needed help to manage those groups.

When the mod group was created, it was the first time I depended on others to help manage the community and I learned something very important in doing that:  people will follow if you lead them.

I've never experienced hands on what its like to be looked up to.  I've always sort of known about it with my siblings and younger friends, but when I approached some of these mods, they looked to me as their mentor, their guru, their leader and were more than excited to be a part of it.  Some were so intimidated that they didn't feel responsible enough to accept the role.

That freaked the fuck out of me.  Because I'm not a leader.  This isn't even a real thing. It's tumblr.  And i'm just a builder, creating structures that others can depend on to be sturdy and solid where they can find comfort and solace.  And my intent was to find others who can help run the house.

But thats exactly what some of these people are looking for.  The mod group helped me fine tune those leadership skills, and helped remind me of how lacking I am with those skills, but allowed me the chance to imbue greatness and trust in others.  Apparently, promoting some of these people to moderate a group, even on social media, meant everything to them.

7 more groups were created on kik, over another few months and an additional two to three dozen or so mbti blogs were created on tumblr.

And in the center of it all is the page that started it all: myersandbriggs.  and the page owner who's gone missing.  but where is he?  oh, he's off hiding somewhere bc he's too scared to lead such a large group of people.

daddy issues is my excuse.  the whole fear of letting people down, never being able to find approval with my parents, and never knowing whether I've accomplished something great or not.  I'm terrified of leading these great minds into an abyss or something.

Yet, the best part is that these kids, and lots of adults apparently are on a similar path.  They do struggle with their home lives, with how parents raise them, with school struggles, with society struggles... and I very much relate to that.

I think the reason why I've been able to form such a bond with this community is because I am part of it.  I'm also seeking understanding in human nature through personality assessment.  I'm also seeking help in my daily struggles, and also feel the need for approval from others.

If running this blog has taught me anything, it's that we need each other.  You can't achieve greatness alone, and even if you do, how great can it possibly be if you're there by yourself?

This hiatus is my chance to reassess my purpose, solidify my own ground, and to imbue that back into the mbti community.  It's success is dependent on strong leadership, and people are waiting to be led.  The mod group, my board of directors, already has aspirations to grow this thing even further, into workshops, into community outreach, into whatever we want really, and I will need to be ready for that.

I need to quit being such a pleb and look beyond myself.  It's about the community.  And we're gonna make it so.

I guess maybe I will consider coming back after all.